I envy kids

Hey everyone,

Woke up early today, feeling kind of okay. OCD thoughts are still banging in my head. Yet another day I hope to just get by with.

I'm currently taking Anafranil at a dosage of 150mg. Honestly, I can't really say that this medication is fully working, because my OCD still has its awful spikes. Sometimes I'd spend hours just to get by a persistent ritual. Ah, the pain just doesn't have a limit. There is no limit, I realized, to the amount of suffering one can endure.

They say that medication is necessary for coping with OCD, but is that really true? I mean, I've been on several medications, Prozac, Zoloft, Cipralex, Anafranil, and still my OCD has its seriously dark days.

All I have to say is that my life is a withered down shipwreck, and probably nothing can repair the hollow soul I've become. This OCD can definitely turn someone into a person that's numb with guilt and shame.

Sometimes I envy kids. They barely think, they play and run around not contemplating anything that's imaginary or out of the realm of rationality. They just are, and run around in the playgrounds of the Earth just laughing and annoying neighbors. I remember my days as a kid, and I begin to wonder, why can't we always be that way, free and wild?

Yet here I am, moping in my own OCD misery, awaiting for some sort of sign to bring me relief to this pain.

With love,
Tareq